Thinking about a new aircraft?  Here is a little questionnaire, just for laughs!

This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas
 Website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour. The
 company, of course, does not have a sense of humour, and made the web
 department take it down immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at
 the end is worth a read too...).

 Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In
 order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to
 fill  out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
questions  is not required, but the information will help us to develop
new products  that best meet your needs and desires.
 

 1.
 [_] Mr.
 [_] Mrs.
 [_] Ms.
 [_] Miss
 [_] Lt.
 [_] Gen.
 [_] Comrade
 [_] Classified
 [_] Other

 First Name: ...................................................
 Initial: ........
 Last Name ...................................................
 Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
 Code Name: ...................................................
 Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........
 

 2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?

 [_] F-14 Tomcat
 [_] F-15 Eagle
 [_] F-16 Falcon
 [_] F-117A Stealth
 [_] Classified
 

 3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 20....... /....... /......
 

 4. Serial Number: ...............................................
 

 5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:

 [_] Received as gift / aid package
 [_] Catalogue / showroom
 [_] Independent arms broker
 [_] Mail order
 [_] Discount store
 [_] Government surplus
 [_] Classified
 

 6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas
 product you have just purchased:

 [_] Heard loud noise, looked up
 {_] Store display
 [_] Espionage
 [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
 [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
 [_] Was attacked by one
 

 7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
 decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

 [_] Style / appearance
 [_] Speed / manoeuvrability
 [_] Price / value
 [_] Comfort / convenience
 [_] Kickback / bribe
 [_] Recommended by salesperson
 [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
 [_] Advanced Weapons Systems
 [_] Backroom politics
 [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
 

 8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:

 [_] North America
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Aircraft carrier
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Europe
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Middle East (not Iraq)
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Africa
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Asia / Far East
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Misc. Third World countries
 [_] Iraq
 [_] Classified
 [_] Iraq
 

 9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
 purchase in the near future:

 [_] Colour TV
 [_] VCR
 [_] ICBM
 [_] Killer Satellite
 [_] CD Player
 [_] Air-to-Air Missiles
 [_] Space Shuttle
 [_] Home Computer
 [_] Nuclear Weapon
 

 10. How would you describe yourself or your organisation? (Indicate
 all that apply:)

 [_] Communist / Socialist
 [_] Terrorist
 [_] Crazed
 [_] Neutral
 [_] Democratic
 [_] Dictatorship
 [_] Corrupt
 [_] Primitive / Tribal
 

 11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

 [_] Deficit spending
 [_] Cash
 [_] Suitcases of cocaine
 [_] Oil revenues
 [_] Personal cheque
 [_] Credit card
 [_] Ransom money
 [_] Traveller's cheque
 

 12. Your occupation:

 [_] Homemaker
 [_] Sales / marketing
 [_] Revolutionary
 [_] Clerical
 [_] Mercenary
 [_] Tyrant
 [_] Middle management
 [_] Eccentric billionaire
 [_] Defence Minister / General
 [_] Retired
 [_] Student
 

 13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:

 [_] Golf
 [_] Boating / sailing
 [_] Sabotage
 [_] Running / jogging
 [_] Propaganda / misinformation
 [_] Destabilisation / overthrow
 [_] Default on loans
 [_] Gardening
 [_] Crafts
 [_] Black market / smuggling
 [_] Collectibles / collections
 [_] Watching sports on TV
 [_] Wines
 [_] Interrogation / torture
 [_] Household pets
 [_] Crushing rebellions
 [_] Espionage / reconnaissance
 {_] Fashion clothing
 [_] Border disputes
 [_] Mutually Assured Destruction
 
 

 Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
 answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
 Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to
receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments,
 extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding
to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

 Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

 McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military,
 Aerospace Division

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 living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an
 overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there
 is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so
 just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.

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